Attachment/Bonding Period with Landon

We have been waiting a long time to see and hold our sweet Landon. We’ve had months to prepare for the changes we will experience, to learn as much as we can, to contemplate what adoption will mean to us as a family, and to anticipate the changes we will experience as we become a family of 3. We have started to come to know and love Landon through the photos and updates we have received from our agency. It is hard for us to believe we are still strangers to him!

While we are preparing a place for him in our home and hearts, Landon has not even thought of leaving where he is. He is happy and content in the loving arms of foster mother and family. In just a few short days, Landon will be experiencing the loss of everything he has ever known. We anticipate that this will be a very difficult time for our little boy. We ask that you keep Landon in your prayers.

As Landon's arrival is approaching, we wanted to talk to everyone a bit about bonding and attachment. We are thrilled that everyone is so excited to welcome our sweet son. That said, we want to make our expectations clear from the start, so that there won’t be any confusion, misunderstandings, or hurt feelings after his arrival. We have talked a lot with our social worker and agency about this transition and have done a lot of reading about ways to make healthy attachments with adopted children. Things will be a little different in our situation than they are with a biological child.

As hard as it is to say, we will need people to enjoy him from our arms only for a while. Landon needs to recognize us as mom and dad before he is ready to be passed around. This is our attachment/bonding period. This is a small window of time we have to develop an appropriate bond with him. He will be a much happier baby if we give him time to grieve his losses and then form a forever bond. There is no set length of time for this, but we will be able to tell by his reactions whether or not he is ready to be held by others. Please pray that this is not a difficult transition for him.

We still invite you to say "hi" to him, talk to him and play with him (keeping in mind his reaction of course); but, for a while, we need to be the only ones to feed, diaper, bathe, and cuddle Landon. He will be grieving the loss of his environment, foster family, language, familiar smells, and familiar foods, etc. This usually lasts for a few weeks, but grieving episodes could occur for months after his arrival. Grieving episodes are intensified by over stimulation, so we need to keep his world quiet and small for his first weeks with us as he begins to bond with his forever mommy and daddy.

We have been so blessed by this gift from God. We want to make sure we are doing everything we can for Landon to feel secure. It is important to remember, in his short 16 months of life, he's lost his birth-mother, and now his foster mother, foster father, sister, and brother. We know many of you have bonded with him just as we have! So many of you have prayed daily for him and we do not underestimate the bond or love you feel for our son. We hope you understand our need for this special time with our baby boy.

If you have any questions, please call or email.

Thank you in advance for understanding!

Eric and Heather Brummett

Here are a couple links that might help you understand attachment a little better:

http://attachment.adoption.com/bonding/foundations-of-attachment.html

http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=section&id=7&Itemid=69