Blessed to be a Mommy

This is just a jumbled up post about how I’m feeling at the moment, which is very blessed. My super sweet boy made me tear up on Tuesday before we went to the park because I was washing his face, and then brushed his teeth and hair before we left and he said Are you taking care of me mommy? I said of course I am, I will always take care of you! He said thank you mommy, for taking care of me. I love you mommy. And again last night, after I fixed his dinner, he said thank you mommy for making my dinner, I love you and he hugged my leg.  It’s the moments like that that completely and totally melt my heart. It washes away all of the hurt, pain, and the long wait that I had to have a family. We have such a sweet, sweet child. He is so innocent and I am so, so blessed to get to be his momma. Landon has been home for almost 2 years now and I think back to just the year prior to that and how I was a completely and totally different person. If I’m just being honest here, I was bitter, jealous, and all I wanted in this world was to be a mother.  It was all about me. I was hurt and angry. I could never really be fully happy for anyone else that was expecting a baby. I felt sorry for myself and thought that I just wasn’t meant to be a mother. But I never could let go of that dream. I didn’t know it at that time, but God’s plan was bigger. God’s plan was perfect for me and His timing couldn’t have been more perfect. We went into the adoption process with not an extra dime to our names. We had NO money saved and we weren’t at all “prepared”, but God provided every.single.penny. What we had not done up until that point though, was trust in God to lead us. We had been making our own plans and this is the way we wanted it and this is the way it has to be. God had placed adoption on my heart long, long before this point, but we were too afraid of the costs, the risks, and the unknowns. We had to take a leap of faith. This is exactly what we did on August 22, 2010 when we applied to adopt. We had no idea what to expect, but God led us through all of the twists and turns of adoption. God placed people in our path to help us along the way. There are so many of my adoptive momma friends currently in process to adopt again from Korea, and while the current process is brand new and unknown, God is there. God knows what he’s doing and in His perfect time, those children will join their forever families. The wait is so hard, but when you lean on God and just trust in Him, he will see it through. "With Man This Is Impossible, But With God All Things Are Possible" – Matthew 19:26.  We’re praying for all those sweet babies and their families that are currently waiting on them to come home. I don’t think God is done with our family yet. We’re just waiting on Him for the green light and to show us which way to go next.